BREAKING: President Donald Trump has been arrested, following an Order by ICC Hague Who issued a ‘Global Arrest Warrant’ for Trump – See reason for his arrest here…

BREAKING: ICC Reportedly Issues ‘Universal Arrest Warrant’ for Trump; World’s Airports Asked to Keep an Eye Out for “Distinctive Complexion”

THE HAGUE — In a move that legal scholars are already describing as “extremely not how any of this works,” the International Criminal Court (ICC) allegedly issued what internet sources are calling a “global arrest warrant” for former U.S. President Donald J. Trump, instructing “every airport, train station, and possibly busy food court” to detain him on sight.

According to the viral claims, the warrant includes unusually specific identifying details, such as “a preference for long ties,” “strong opinions about crowd sizes,” and “an unmistakable orange-adjacent glow visible under most lighting conditions.”

Unverified screenshots circulating online suggest the ICC has also requested that authorities prepare “a jumpsuit of matching hue,” though legal experts were quick to clarify that international law does not, in fact, include a color-coordination clause.

“This would be unprecedented,” said one confused professor of international law, flipping through several very real legal textbooks in increasing distress. “The ICC doesn’t have its own police force, and it certainly doesn’t issue blanket instructions to ‘all airports everywhere.’ That’s… not a thing.”

Despite this, social media posts insist the directive is already in effect, with users claiming that baggage handlers, duty-free cashiers, and at least one overly enthusiastic rideshare driver have been “placed on high alert.”

Meanwhile, the same sources allege Trump has been “continuing to bomb Iran just for fun,” a claim for which there is currently no evidence, context, or coherent explanation. Military analysts contacted for comment responded with a collective, “What?”

At press time, several airports around the world confirmed they had not received any such instructions but admitted they did briefly consider whether “keeping an eye out for everything at once” might be easier than sorting fact from fiction.

The ICC declined to comment on the story, reportedly because “it is not real,” while representatives for Trump dismissed the claims as “fake news,” “witch hunt 7.0,” and “possibly written by someone with too much free time.”

Experts recommend that readers verify sensational claims before sharing them, particularly those involving sweeping international conspiracies, highly specific wardrobe requirements, or legal procedures that sound like they were drafted during a late-night group chat.

In related news, the internet is expected to continue functioning as usual.